Moving to Israel: Am I Running away or Fulfilling my Purpose?

    Having this seemingly continuous lockdown in Israel currently, has allowed a lot of time for ponder my life, how exactly did I end up here and was it the right choice for me? I'm been having this conversation a lot recently with other fellows in my city. Many of my cohorts now are feeling full of anxiety, despair and lots of homesickness, especially because there is not much to do outside of our apartments. Some also feel like they are wasting their potential spending most days barely working on zoom and an inconsistent weekly schedule, barely remembering what day it is, how can we feel accomplished? How are we fulfilling our purpose in this chaotic time? I used to feel as though every moment I lived had to be meaningful, making some kind of difference for the world or myself. I soon learned that was quite unrealistic and put a lot of pressure on myself. I'm still working on enjoying the moment for what it is. 

    At home I usually felt depressed, living in the same vicinity my whole life, without a job, feeling unmotivated to get out of bed most days. When in my heart I knew I wanted to travel, try new things, write and somehow save the environmental along the way. I think I forgot about these passions for a while, as I laid in bed everyday without a future in sight expect knowing that I would be going to Israel soon enough. But the question was, would moving to another country change everything about me? Would it make it more motivated to remember my passions and purpose in life? Was I simply trying to run away from these feelings of despair and hopelessness. My sister once asked me is Israel your favorite country you've been to? I replied no, while I did enjoy certain things about it, the culture, the community, connection to my jewish roots, I would not necessarily choose Israel to live if I could live anywhere. But I also felt being in Israel was much better then being in America at this point in time. 

    So I guess I wanted to escape America as a whole, including my unfulfilling life in Upstate New York and moving to Israel was the most convenient way to do it. For jewish Americans, Israel is basically set up for you, they want you to move here and help the jewish community to grow. So they pay for your housing set you up with a job and hope you end to saying here. I'm not sure about the last part but spending a least a year in another country was a goal of mine so I thought this was a good start. But the my situation of course is not just black and white I didn't come here just to escape my life in America but also to explore the world, make a difference in kids lives and decide what is my real purpose, I think traveling is the best way to learn that. So although right now I am unsure of my purpose especially in COVID times, I think it doesn't always have to be the same, I thought my purpose was to do everything to save this environment, but maybe this year its to make a difference in my students lives, and who knows what other purposes this year holds for me. I've already done some volunteering, the other day we helped package more than 5,000 PPE kits for the pandemic, so at least I am helping in that way. I'm learning to go with the flow with this pandemic in Israel, everything might be a balagan (a mess) but I'm positive the universe has a plan for me, it always does. Below is a photo of me and my teacher cohorts volunteering at the Israeli Red Cross to package PPE kits ( I'm in the middle, black and white shirt).